Everything in Moderation--Including Feeling

I find myself amidst increased desperation for triumphant and satisfying feelings. By that, I mean the life incline is increasing and I'm even more motivated to make it to the top of this mountain that is my summer. I leave for a weekend in Sin City in less than eight hours, where sleep is a foreign concept, yet I have been bottled up long enough that if I didn't get this blog written, my conscious will be much too flooded with melancholy to enjoy the chaotic exhilaration that awaits.

All cryptic lingo aside, I was thrown another life test. My heart, which I can never seem to remember to tuck back into my sleeve, has once again received a beating. Let's tally some positives here, though: I have a loyal, understanding, and loving best friend by my side to provide that much-needed shoulder, the busy plans and distractions are abundant, and in the end, I know I am not at all to blame. Instead of feeling like I messed up, I actually have the confidence to maintain pride and self-appreciation. That all being said, my frustrations and sadness have reached their tipping point. This is definite, considering I did something that was polar opposite of my entire essence and being. And I don't regret it. THANKFULLY, I can come up with some means of getting out of this rut that threatens to strip me of my hope and drive. Nothing is definite yet, but I'm devising a plan as well as back up plans to not just endure, but greatly improve my well-being. Here's to faith reassuring me that I WILL be running down the best path. Yes, running. Walking is in no way sufficient, as far as I am concerned.

My greatest frustration has got to be the undeniable fact that I feel too much. A dad lightly spanks his temperamental child within my peripheral vision, and I feel nauseous. A stray animal wanders the hot and unfriendly roads, and my eyes begin to well up. Most directly, any action or word said to me by a friend or complete stranger, be it loving or hurtful, and boom--heavy impact. This enables me to be euphoric with gratitude and empowerment, but it also weighs me down like I really do have the cold world sitting on my shoulders. Thank goodness I got to take some acting classes back in the day so I can portray vast dispositions on the spot, but inside, my mind is a whirlwind of more feeling than should ever be felt within a lifetime. It's so hard to try and describe the goings-on in my mind; I have yet to find anyone else who can put it in the exact words that I desperately wish I knew. But for now, the best way I can figure out how to describe it all is simply to support the irrefutable statement: Everything in moderation. This time I am not backing it up with examples of chocolates or alcohol, but the amount one feels is definitely another key component to health. The pendulum is equal on both sides. If one experiences feeling happiness to such an extent, sadness must also reach that extent on the other side. Especially during this extremely difficult time of my life, I wish my pendulum was exceptionally smaller.