"David and Goliath", starring My Heart and Society

What do you do when all odds are against you, pushing you to the ground, suffocating any possible breath of hope, while it’s strong arm quivers in excited pride. “I told you so.  Your dreams are just that-distant visions that aren’t actually possible.  Society rules all, including you.”  The more I crunch numbers and research important financial details, the more I feel that unrelenting arm shoving me deeper into the inescapable, booby trapped, toxic black hole. What about all those people that swear by “where there’s a will, there’s a way”? Or how about those “if you can dream it, you can achieve it” followers? Or even those “The world is but a canvas to our imaginations” disciples?  There are too many believers in such a hope-filled mindset for it to not be viable.  So how do I break into this practice? How do I take struggles and obstacles as merely confirmation that what I am striving toward is important, worthwhile, and above all, possible?  Here are the odds that are tirelessly trying to engulf my entire being, sucking out all hope and ambitions of all that fuels my soul.

For the next 7+ years, I will be paying close to $400 in student loan debt, all for a degree of which I’m still years of schoolwork away from achieving.

My heart has literally ached to be in Africa and other struggling countries and cultures my whole life.  Amidst all the uncertainties and unknowns of my life’s path, I am 150% certain that my calling lies, at least in part, in Africa. I am being pulled there, and my heart will not be at peace until I get there.

In order to have a travel companion, since traveling alone is too dangerous to pursue, I need to also include months in India and Thailand. 

In order to have enough money for the trip’s expenses, expenses before leaving and upon returning, and loan payments, I need to stick to a rigid and demanding income/expense monthly plan. 

I must face and battle my parents and society to defend this seemingly irrational, naïve, and solely emotionally-driven plan.  First of all, they will need to concede to taking my dog back, and me when I return and need a free couch to crash on.  Their annoyed questions are inevitable: Why put myself in such financial pains to go live in huts far away, for an extended period of time, when I haven’t even completed my college degree? Why not just help out somewhere local? Or make the trip a one-monther with a local church? Why take this mission to “such an extreme?”

            Because anything less is not what has been written on my heart’s purpose. That’s why.

My rental lease lasts until August 31^st, but even that date is unacceptably far away.  Subletting is not allowed, and I have already stretched my landlord’s patience by cornering her into allowing me to have my dog here. So long as my parents are my cosigners, sneaking around of any kind just will not be.  I’m left with figuring out a way to convince her of yet another landlord taboo—subletting.

I cannot find the words to express the urgency that I feel through every fiber of my being to begin this trip.  However, I will not have enough money for another year.  The thought of waiting a year makes my insides perform acrobatics while I bite my tongue to hold in a flash flood of tears.

I read that once one knows his or her life’s purpose, then he or she is able to withstand anything.  It was the defining factor for those who survived the Holocaust and those who didn’t.  One’s purpose is all that is needed in order to conquer all.  Well, my purpose is to spread love to those in most desperate need of it, while in turn their presence enhances my life to inconceivable depths.  My purpose, through my heart’s obvious hinting, is to work in Africa.  Therefore, it is all I think about.  It is all I need.  It is all I yearn for.  So long as I continue my arrangements for this adventure, my heart will continue to beat.

Now that my purpose has been realized, society and the life that it enchains have pulled out the big guns to keep me from it. 

My heart beats for Africa. For India. For Thailand. For this adventure which is guaranteed to enhance my livelihood and spirit beyond any means that could be reached if I were to remain here.

So, what do I do?